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Saturday, 15 January 2011

Family and Friends

Even though I have had it confirmed this week that my Stem Cell Transplant wasn’t a success and I have to try something else, I have had a surprisingly good week, thanks to my family and friends.

Tuesday: I met up with Mark who I used to work with and had a great time catching up in Starbucks for a few hours and lots of coffee that probably had us both hyper-active for the rest of the evening. We were even entertained by a couple that were more than amorous on the sofa behind me, but I have to take Marks word for that as I had my back to them. It was quite funny when Mark realised that he was staring into space only to notice a few seconds later that they were actually looking straight back at him…. Mark felt it necessary to explain to me that he wasn’t staring at them  … which made it look worse as I didn’t even know what was going on behind me. I’m sure as he reads this he will still feel guilty and confirm on a message that he wasn’t looking at them on purpose!!!!

Wednesday: Hospital confirmed SCT not worked, but you know that :D

Thursday: Amy my daughter called and asked if Vanessa could come around with her, which ended up being …

Amy, Kai, Brandon, Jason (the three grandchildren – yes I know I don’t look old enough :) ), Vanessa, (Ness), Chel (Nessa’s husband – Michelle .. French background), their son Viggo and their daughter, Yazmin, plus myself and Charito. So ten of us in all. Now imagine everyone eating cake, keeping in mind that four of them are little children (two of them too young to eat cake). Kai and Brandon made sure that they helped everyone else eat their cake. I’m sure after they left, once we brushed it all up (good job the floor is laminate) that we ended up with more cake than we started with. The word that comes to mind, having them all around is Fabulous. I really enjoyed seeing everyone and meeting Chel for the first time, who I think has a similar sense of humour as me, which is rare. Normally I meet people for the first time, and never see them again, as they don’t know how to take my sense of humour…. mind you I’ve yet to see him again. I’m sure I will though as they have asked me to take some photos of them. Oh I should explain that Ness used to be my sister in law from my first marriage. I still keep in touch with everyone (even the ex)  and love them all as my own family.

Friday: Chris and Jodie (next door neighbours) invited myself and Charito around for a civilised glass of wine….. OK those that know me and my neighbours, know that isn’t true. We had lots of wine and got very drunk and sang on the Xbox Karaoke game, very badly I must admit, but it sounded good to me and Chris after one or 10 drinks. I’m not on any medication at the moment apart from my bonefos so enjoying myself before starting on the Chemo again. I don’t drink any alcohol during treatment, not that it made any difference last time. Perhaps that’s where I’m going wrong, I should drink more wine!

I don’t feel too bad this morning after lots of water, but it might kick in later! I have a photo shoot with a model this afternoon and one tomorrow to keep me busy over the weekend. I had one last weekend as well that went well. I’m learning lots about photography and how to use lighting techniques. When I first started I though that it was going to be quite easy to take photos, but now, the more I learn, the more I know that I don’t know (does that make sense). I’ve always loved learning new skills (normally in the computer industry) and this is keeping me busy with lots to read and try out. I think learning photography as I go through my treatment is really good for me as I can do as much or as little as I want depending on how I feel.Even stuck in bed in a hospital doesn’t stop you learning and reading about new techniques. I’ve looked back as some of the photos I did in the very beginning and after learning so much have felt really ashamed at thinking that they look good enough to show people. Blurred shots, incorrect white balance, cropping incorrectly and the list goes on…. I don’t claim to be an expert now and I’m sure looking back at the shots I have taken recently in another six months I will feel the same, but I’m still enjoying it which is the main thing.

Work: lots of things have changed at work – I can’t write about them too much on here as I know that some of the people I work with read this (sorry guys!). Am I happy with the situation? … I have never been really been happy with the way things are, but needless to say as I’m never going to get over the Myeloma, I’m coping with it and have to remind myself that it is only a job and there are more important things in life (I feel rather odd writing that knowing that I’m dying (of cancer), but as Charito says, aren’t we all, dying that is!).

Family and friends mean so much to me, even though I don’t always show it. I try to hide my emotions away as often as I can.

…. You look really good, your so strong, your doing really well, stay positive, you have always been a positive person, I’m not sure how I would cope, your doing really well. These are just a few of the things people say to me (and no doubt others who have cancer as well). but behind closed doors when nobody is looking, during the time I’m alone with time to reflect I’m not always strong etc. Us cancer patients like to have a little cry now and again (we are still human), we think about our family and friends and enjoy every moment we are with them, knowing that they will never happen again. Time is important and I get frustrated knowing that people are doing nothing with their lives, sitting around and waiting. If only I could do it all over again … maybe I would do things sooner or be more active in my goals. It’s so easy to put things off until tomorrow. Live for today and do it now, you never know when they wont be there!

SLAP!!! – That was my metaphorical (ooooh big word) slap across my face for bringing everyone down, including me. Don’t worry I’m not depressed, just another rant (get used to it).

Love to everyone, Family, Friends and all those that read my blog, it never ceases to amaze me the amount of people that send me messages of encouragement and support.

I really should stop typing now, I think I have typing diarrhoea (a bit like verbal diarrhoea, but you can’t stop writing), it might have something to do with the amount of wine consumed last night!

Stop it! don’t write anymore… but the thoughts keep coming into my head!…. enough already!

OK – bye for now, hope to write more soon.

but, but I have finished …. no wait ……I ….



  1. All that writing! put it down to coffee and wine. At least you have an excuse if your hands are shaking when you see the model this afternoon :)
    Oh and I will only come down if you promise not to sing.


  2. What was worse, I smiled at something you said when I was 'staring' at them, and I think they took it as encouragement given their actions.

  3. I totally get what you say about people doing nothing with their lives and wasting precious time. I'll see that and raise you 1. people who are purposely destroying an otherwise healthy body and literally killing themselves and 2. people who create petty dramas in their lives because they have nothing better to do. I feel like shaking them sometimes or at the very least, saying "leave us out of it."

  4. Sean I really enjoyed reading all of the above. We all think a lot of you always have. Maria too is a lovely girl you chose each other well. Who knows what the future holds for you What do they say it's not over untill the fat lady sings. I never quite get the meaning to that but it sounds good.
    We all realise you feel it behind closed doors but you don't show it too anyone of us. I am proud of you. Thank you for keeping us all informed as to how things are going with yourself. Your blog is the first thing I read each day. It deserves the Nobel Prize.
    Thinking of you as always Carol J

  5. totally agree with Carol I love your blog have you thought about writing your experiences down for a news paper or mag??? and a good old cry never hurt anyone, im sure Maria joined you once the grand children left and the clean up began lol
    seriously tho I do think about you and always catch up with your blogs to see how things are going
    Faye xx

  6. THREE grandchildren! THREE! You don't look old enough and you're younger than B!

    I think that the major thing that winds me up with the mother in law is that she's never really happy - except I think when she's moaning and it's taken me a long time to realise that the last thing I need to be doing is wasting my time and energy making her not happy!

    Friends and family (happy ones anyway)really are the most precious things we have. xx